Well, I didn’t get the job. All that stress for nothing. I am amazed looking back how the stress of maybe getting the job drove me to shop like a maniac, or so it felt. I feel I have so many good ways of handling stress-I write them down, do some of them, counsel my friends about these choices, but when I came to applying my tools I completely got dragged down by the stress and the fear of the unknown. Wow, fear is so incredibly powerful. I’m noticing a lot lately where fear plays a role in my life. My biggest fear right now is that a medical procedure I have undergone will not work. Waiting to see if it was successful is the hardest part. Humans like things that are finite and with many things about our physical health we have to wait and see. I am clearly very bad at “waiting and seeing” even though I do it in my work all the time. But, when it comes to my emotions and my personal life I really struggle.
I’ve decided to stop writing about the closet inventory. It brings me shame right now and that is not healthy. Instead I am going to focus on ridding myself of the excess. I have found some really helpful blog post so I am going to devote a few hours every weekend to the culling process with a trusted friend who will not judge me. The trick for me will not to fill the space back up with new beautiful things. I have so many beautiful things right now that you’d wonder why I even noticed another beautiful thing. It’s as if the beauty fades as soon as it is claimed.
More on that later. It’s time to keep writing and the healing will come.
Have you heard of the Express Portofino Shirt? I have a confession to make. I have 18 of them. Good Grief. 5 are patterned and 13 are solids. Some of them I purchased in the coldest winter days ever so they still have their tags on them. I clearly became obsessed and couldn’t rest until I had one in every possible color I would love. I see an item and instantly imagine how I would wear all of the colors with all of my jewelry and all the different permutations and I become completely incapable of making a decision and only buying a few. I worry they won’t make that color again, or gee I could wear that necklace with 4 different colors, so I should BUY it in 4 different colors, not just one or maybe two.
It is debilitating right now and it takes up a solid foot of my closet. It’s so hard to purge them as some of the colors are spring colors and some are more autumn or winter or going out or business casual. How in the world do you decide? The multiples thing gets me every time.